It's been a few days now since I was told that my cancer has spread to my liver and stomach and that the chances of me beating this aren't good, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to win.
Let's go back to Oct 17th at roughly 12-12:30pm in the afternoon, what were you doing at this time? Perhaps, it was your lunch break at work and you and some colleagues were out grabbing a bite, chatting and laughing. Contemplating what your plans were for the weekend, or even thinking about potential Halloween parties that you wanted to attend. I wish I was doing the same, in fact, I never had a worse day and moment in my life than at that time. Sure, I've had bad days before, I can look back at my high school and university days and think, damn.....I really messed that exam up, I hope I don't flunk. Or in my work career thinking, why did I send that email out and what are the consequences going to be? But sitting there in the room, the doctor, my wife and my parents all patiently waiting for the results of my CT scan, and hearing the doctor start by saying.....it's not good news and you will die from esophogeal cancer....well, I just can't stop re-living that moment in my head.
They say that 90% of beating cancer is mental, and I'm going to have to learn that quick, because I find that my mind tends to wander a lot and I immediately think of the worst case scenario. It's funny to hear the things that friends and family say to you when they are told of your news, I definitely hear "I don't know what to say" a lot and I get that. But I also have received a lot of love, positive vibes and people saying how can I help, tell me what I can do for you guys. All of which is great and very comforting knowing that I have a lot of love and support from family and friends.
My wife and my daughter. The two most beautiful women in my life and the reason that I'm going to win this battle, the reason I'm getting up, pushing the negative thoughts out of my head and ready to face the challenges that await me. It's funny, I know that I've said this many times, but I really don't know how I got so lucky to find such an amazing woman in my life. That wife of mine is the strongest, funniest, smartest and the most beautiful woman in the world and she just happened to take a chance on a geeky guy like me......what luck I have.
Since I received the news of a malignant tumour was in my esophogus almost a month ago, she has been a rock by my side. Taking phone calls and texts from family and friends, making me any food that I wanted just so I would eat. Just giving me a hug and a kiss when I needed it most, being by my side....that my friends is a real best friend and lover.
It's Sun Oct 21st, and in a few hours, I'm going to make my way to church. A place that I haven't been to in a while, a place that I used to go to every Sun growing up, but also a place that I have never forgotten. I'm both excited and nervous to go there today, but I know that it's important to pray so I will continue to do so, this time with a congregation.
Wed is my consult with my new oncologyst, we'll discuss the next steps and what chemo will entail. Thank God for my friend Jasper (a cancer survivor). I had this empy and lost feeling for the last couple of days, but after having brunch with him and his fiancee this weekend, and all the smiles and positive vibes he gave off, for the first time since being told I had cancer, I didn't feel alone.....something that really scares me.
Well, my alarm just went off....which means it's time to wake up my daughter, Ryan. I get to see that amazing face of hers, smiling at me, being ever so bashful and those gorgeous blue eyes....that's why I'm fighting! To watch Ryan, learn how to walk and talk and eventually be so lucky enough to marry her best friend.
Read more: http://kicster.webnode.com/
Create your own website for free: http://www.webnode.com
